News from the War Front

The "War on Scientology" is building as the troops begin to amass. Taking their cue from "Witsend Here," it looks as if CBS will be joining the war effort.

• Nicholas Meyer's CBS pilot suggest Scientology-like design (LA Times)
  
• Hollywood bully Tom Cruise got Comedy Central to cancel Wednesday night's cablecast of a controversial "South Park" episode about Scientology by warning that he'd refuse to promote "Mission Impossible 3," insiders say. Since Paramount is banking on "MI3" to rake in blockbuster profits this summer, and Paramount is owned by Viacom, which also owns Comedy Central, the tactic worked.

• Drawing from his method acting background in "Risky Business," Tom Cruise issued a firm, finger pointing warning to "Witsend Here": "I'm on to you, Lindsey. If you persit to wage war on Scientology, I swear to L. Ron Hubbard that I will turn you into a cartoon caricature of me."

Our beloved media darling truly has been completely brainwashed by the Scientolgists. When asked what he thought about Cruise's warning, T.M. Lindsey responded, "I'm flattered. I've always dreamed of living in an animated world. Besides, my faith will always be there to protect me, and in uncertain times like these, I know I can turn to my W.W.G.K.P.D.? [What Would Guido the Killer Pimp Do?] for moral guidance."