Thursday, March 30, 2006

Breaking War News: T.M. Lindsey Suspends Lenten Sacrifice of Bush

From Witsend Daily – T.M. Lindsey called a press conference early this morning to announce that due to the “War on Scientology,” he’s suspended his Lenten sacrifice of satirizing President Bush, indefinitely. “Everything has changed since the ‘War on Scientology’ began. Thanks to Scientologists and their unwarranted attacks, life in Witsend will never be the same,” said Lindsey. “We’re in a state of war, and I’ll need every possible weapon at my disposal, and this means sacrificing or suspending any laws, restrictions, civil liberties, or iota of common sense that may jeopardize our mission.”

Some members of the “Witsend Daily” staff felt relieved by the announcement. “A lot of people don’t realize what a huge sacrifice T.M. made when he swore off satirizing Bush for Lent,” said Kelly O’Reilly, Lindsey’s personal assistant. “The sacrifice affected T.M. both mentally and physically. Resisting the infinite satiric possibilities, which grew exponentially every time the President opened his mouth, inevitably took its toll on T.M. during the past four weeks. All he could do was stand by, helplessly, and bite his tongue. It got so bad during the third week of Lent that T.M. had to have surgery on his tongue, repairing the damaged tissues and exfoliating the bad taste left in his mouth from this whole ordeal. We’re very fortunate a war came along to save him from any more hardships.”

Other staff members were a little disappointed the moratorium had been lifted, especially those directly involved with the daily upkeep of the “Bush-O-Meter.” One member, who wished to remain anonymous, said “The Bush-O-Meter had become an integral part of my life. Knowing that I was responsible for updating this every day gave me a sense of purpose, a reason for getting out of bed in the morning. I felt like T.M.’s sacrifice had become my sacrifice. It really brought our staff closer together. I feel we’re truly united now, and I hope a united stand against Scientology will bring us even closer together.” Plans for replacing the Bush-O-Meter are already in the works,* and this should help maintain the high morale among the Witsend Here staff during its initial war preparations.

Critics of Lindsey’s announcement contend that while it’s important to protect readers in a time of war, sacrificing one’s integrity to do so will prove to be counter productive. “If T.M. can’t even fulfill a commitment to himself, how can he possibly keep a promise to his readers?” said Cindy Heon, an outspoken member of the Empty Rhetoric Disarmament League.

A photo of Cindy Heon, taken by her Scientology captors just prior to her release from a Scientologist half-way cell in Clearwater, Florida. The photo was procured by Witsend Here Intelligence.

In response to his critics, Lindsey released a brief statement:

The War on Scientology goes well beyond me, and to question my integrity is to question the integrity of the war, which begs the question: Are you with us, or are you with them?

*Because Witsend Here wants the “War on Scientology” to be an interactive war, we encourage you to participate and help us decide what O-Meter slogan we should adopt for the war effort. (see poll and exercise your right to vote, or you may submit your own suggestion via e-mail).


Anonymous Anonymous said... - [url=]site[/url] site

1:41 AM  
Blogger oakleyses said...

chanel handbags, air max, louis vuitton, ray ban sunglasses, oakley sunglasses wholesale, replica watches, polo ralph lauren, ugg boots, louboutin pas cher, uggs on sale, jordan pas cher, christian louboutin, nike air max, sac longchamp pas cher, ugg boots, jordan shoes, polo ralph lauren outlet online, louis vuitton outlet, longchamp outlet, tiffany and co, kate spade outlet, christian louboutin shoes, tory burch outlet, prada handbags, prada outlet, christian louboutin outlet, louis vuitton, oakley sunglasses, polo outlet, ray ban sunglasses, burberry pas cher, gucci handbags, nike outlet, michael kors pas cher, oakley sunglasses, longchamp outlet, oakley sunglasses, replica watches, longchamp pas cher, nike free run, nike air max, christian louboutin uk, louis vuitton outlet, tiffany jewelry, nike free, nike roshe, ray ban sunglasses, longchamp outlet, louis vuitton outlet

11:04 PM  
Blogger oakleyses said...

michael kors outlet online, coach outlet store online, burberry outlet, michael kors outlet, coach outlet, timberland pas cher, michael kors, michael kors outlet online, replica handbags, oakley pas cher, uggs outlet, true religion outlet, nike tn, vans pas cher, nike air force, true religion jeans, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet online, north face, burberry handbags, lululemon canada, hogan outlet, ralph lauren uk, mulberry uk, polo lacoste, new balance, nike air max, nike blazer pas cher, coach purses, nike free uk, hollister uk, michael kors, true religion outlet, hollister pas cher, true religion outlet, uggs outlet, converse pas cher, north face uk, sac hermes, michael kors outlet, sac vanessa bruno, nike air max uk, abercrombie and fitch uk, kate spade, nike roshe run uk, guess pas cher, ray ban uk, michael kors outlet online, ray ban pas cher

11:08 PM  
Blogger oakleyses said...

herve leger, nike trainers uk, insanity workout, mont blanc pens, soccer shoes, soccer jerseys, timberland boots, hollister, hollister, mcm handbags, nfl jerseys, jimmy choo outlet, vans, iphone cases, north face outlet, north face outlet, wedding dresses, nike huaraches, converse, babyliss, giuseppe zanotti outlet, baseball bats, nike air max, ralph lauren, celine handbags, ferragamo shoes, hermes belt, chi flat iron, oakley, louboutin, valentino shoes, converse outlet, gucci, instyler, ghd hair, abercrombie and fitch, beats by dre, new balance shoes, longchamp uk, lululemon, p90x workout, bottega veneta, asics running shoes, reebok outlet, ray ban, nike roshe run, nike air max, hollister clothing, mac cosmetics, vans outlet

11:11 PM  
Blogger oakleyses said...

canada goose outlet, barbour, moncler, ugg pas cher, moncler, barbour uk, replica watches, juicy couture outlet, wedding dresses, canada goose jackets, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, pandora jewelry, karen millen uk, louis vuitton, moncler outlet, supra shoes, moncler, ugg uk, pandora jewelry, canada goose uk, marc jacobs, louis vuitton, canada goose, ugg, canada goose, canada goose outlet, moncler outlet, louis vuitton, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, moncler uk, swarovski crystal, lancel, pandora charms, toms shoes, doudoune moncler, links of london, thomas sabo, juicy couture outlet, pandora uk, coach outlet, canada goose outlet, moncler, montre pas cher, canada goose, louis vuitton, swarovski, louis vuitton, hollister

11:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Jordan University

6:49 AM  
Blogger mariam said...

شركة تنظيف خزانات بمكة

شركة تركيب جبس بور بالرياض

شركة تنظيف فلل بالرياض

شركة تنظيف فرش بالرياض

شركة تعقيم بالرياض

شركة تخزين عفش بالرياض

شركة تنظيف منازل بالاحساء

شركة تسليك مجاري بجدة

شركة مكافحة حشرات بابها

شركة كشف تسربات بابها

6:26 PM  
Blogger mariam said...

شركة كشف تسربات بالجبيل

شركة نقل اثاث بالجبيل

شركة مكافحة حمام بالجبيل

شركة مكافحة حشرات بالجبيل

شركة عزل اسطح بالجبيل

شركة جلي بلاط بالجبيل

شركة تنظيف منازل بالجبيل

شركة تنظيف مكيفات بالجبيل

شركة تنظيف مساجد بالجبيل

شركة تنظيف مسابح بالجبيل

6:27 PM  
Blogger mariam said...

شركة تنظيف مجالس بالجبيل

شركة تنظيف فلل بالجبيل

شركة تنظيف شقق بالجبيل

شركة تنظيف خزانات بالجبيل

شركة تنظيف بالجبيل

شركة تنظيف افران بالجبيل

شركة تسليك مجاري بالجبيل

شركة جلي بلاط بجدة

شركة جلي بلاط بمكة

شركة تنظيف مكيفات بمكة

6:33 PM  
Blogger mariam said...

شركة رش مبيد بحائل
شركة تنظيف شقق بحائل
شركة مكافحة الحشرات بحائل
شركة تنظيف خزانات بحائل
شركة مكافحة الحمام بحائل
شركة تنظيف مكيفات بحائل
شركة تنظيف مجالس بحائل
شركة تنظيف فلل بحائل
شركة نقل اثاث بحائل
شركة تنظيف بعرعر

6:37 PM  
Blogger mariam said...

شركة عزل بعرعر
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بعرعر
شركة تنظيف خزانات بعرعر
شركة نقل اثاث بعرعر
شركة تنظيف خزانات بسكاكا
شركة تنظيف شقق بسكاكا
شركة مكافحة حشرات بسكاكا

شركة تنظيف خزانات بابها
شركة تنظيف منازل بابها
شركة تنظيف شقق بابها

6:43 PM  
Blogger mariam said...

شركة تنظيف فلل بسكاكا
شركة عزل بسكاكا
شركة تنظيف سجاد بسكاكا
شركة مكافحة الحشرات بابها
شركة تنظيف خزانات بابها
شركة تنظيف منازل بابها
شركة تنظيف شقق بابها

شركة جلي بلاط بسكاكا
شركة كشف تسربات بسكاكا
شركة تعقيم بسكاكا

6:47 PM  
Blogger MaRo said...

حل ارتفاع فاتورة المياه بالرياض
شركة عوازل بالرياض
شركة رش مبيدات بالرياض
شركة صيانة عامة بالرياض
شركة ترميمات بالرياض

7:20 AM  
Blogger hodhod said...

حل ارتفاع فاتورة المياه بالقصيم
شركه عوازل بالقصيم
شركه رش مبيدات بالقصيم

7:22 PM  
Blogger Hazem Elsayed said...

Aشركه كشف تسربات بجده
شركه عزل خزانات بمكه
شركه عزل اسطح بمكه
شركه عزل خزانات بجده
شركه عزل اسطح بجده
شركه عزل اسطح بجده

3:07 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home