"War on Scientology" Declares War on "War on Easter"

Art Radley’s Behind the Venetian Blinds

On April 11th of 2006, war was declared on Easter by Beyond Belief Media which launched a preemptive strike, dubbed “Operation Easter Sanity.” It’s obvious to my comrades in Witsend, D.C. (Dot Connectors) that this declared “War on Easter” is indeed a byproduct of the war propaganda machine – churned out by the Scientologists as a ploy to distract people from the only true war: the War on Scientology.

Similar to the early chapters of the Bible wherein there was a lot of begatin’ to be gotten, it appears the current trend of war declarations is making its rounds in the world. No sooner are two wars innocently k-i-s-s-i-n-g-ing in the tree, before another war arrives in the baby carriage. While Official Wars, along with their Baby Boomer brethren, brace for retirement (since an official war hasn’t been declared in the United States since WW II), it appears that Official Wars are destined to submit to their twilight years, when the real battle begins: choosing the right Medicare plan.

By proxy, Witsend is not immune to the current war declaration frenzy. Yes, Big Chief, I am an active member in the “War On Scientology” (check the tapes if you doubt me), and in response to Beyond Belief Media’s declaration and initial assault, it’s imperative that the “War on Scientology” recapture the spotlight and expose the “War on Easter” for what it truly is: an elaborate smokescreen. To clear the smoke and help people draw a clear distinction between the two wars, I’ve drawn up the following comparisons which highlight the differences between the two wars and their intended targets:

Easter: Byproduct of Christianity
Scientology: Byproduct of Science Fiction

Easter: Celebrates the resurrection of Jesus Christ
Scientology: Celebrates the perpetual resurrection of L. Ron Hubbard (who is currently occupying Tom Cruise’s pod)

Easter: Recognized and celebrated by several church denominations
Scientology: Recognized and honored by a few monetary denominations, special preference given to the Ben Franklins

Merchandizing
Easter: Peter Cottontail
Scientology: Tom Cruise bobble-head doll

Film Propaganda
War on Easter: “The God Who Wasn’t There” – No. #1 best seller on Amazon.com’s independent documentaries list. The film is critical of the irrational beliefs of Christians and asserts that Jesus does not exist.
(see link in Creative Outpost for details/reviews)




War on Scientology: “Mission : Impossible II” – a subversive, yet allegorical film about IMF agent Ethan Hunt, who has been sent on a mission to retrieve and destroy the supply of a genetically created disease called “Chimera” (code for Christianity). But first, Agent Hunt must find “Bellerophon” (code for Scientology) which is a cure for “Chimera.” (I’ll let you connect the dots, dear reader.).

Preemptive Strike
War on Easter: “Operation Easter Sanity” – Armed with 666 DVDs of the documentary film, “The God Who Wasn’t There,” Easter insurgents, Beyond Belief Media, is covertly planning the film in churches throughout the United States.
War on Scientology: “Operation Enduring Tom Cruise” – plans to boycott Cruise’s new film, “Mission : Impossible III,” has been called forth by the Satirists.

When one man’s paranoia becomes Everyman’s reality, don’t forget: Art Radley told you so…
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Art Radley’s Behind the Venetian Blinds is syndicated through Witsend Syndicate and, at the request of the author, appears sporadically in the Witsend Daily.